I don't have a problem with church, but I kind of have a problem with the word referring mainly to a building or a specific congregation instead of the eternal body of Christ, composed of each and every person who has trusted Him for salvation. Having said this, I often slip into the common usage myself, for clarity's sake. A lot of pain and confusion and needless guilt have come from a sloppy usage of "church." I haven't found a passage in the Bible that says you have to gather at 10 am on Sunday morning and that's church. I have seen passages about keeping the Sabbath and verses about believers gathering together and breaking bread, but it's such a stretch to imply these are an inviolable basis for the present Christian culture of Sunday morning services.
I believe that inside of each person is a little sensor that detects whether one's present situation is healthy/life-giving or not. I want to think this is the Holy Spirit's voice, but in light of what I'm about to say, I'm not completely sure. The sensor can somewhat get off-kilter and need re-calibrating (I've lived through that) but it exists to be heeded, and I tend to think pressing on despite its warnings is not a part of God's will for a person's life. For a longish season, whenever I entered a church, this sensor would sound its alarm. In my trinity of body, soul, spirit, there was a dissonance, the polar opposite of "this resonates with me," the silent scream of ringing false.
For what it's worth, I sporadically attended services at five different churches over a span of a few years, sometimes alone, sometimes with friends. There were nice moments, even deeply meaningful moments, sprinkled throughout. I enjoy dressing up. But sometimes during church services I would hear a gentle voice telling me, "you don't have to do this." I realized very plainly that the only reason I was attending church was because I knew people would look at me differently if I stopped attending. And the opinions of others are not always a great reason to do or avoid doing. I got honest. I have integrity, and I didn't want to be doing something for such a fake reason, even if the "something" in question was weekly church attendance.
I was never "out of the church." I never stopped being a member of the body of Christ. I couldn't have helped it if I wanted to; that's my deepest identity, beyond career or location or relationships or even appearance. It's more like family than a membership. This card can't be revoked. I still met with believers all the time: prayed with them, encouraged them, dined with them. For me to say I didn't go to church, while in some sense accurate, was a shorthand that didn't convey the reality of my life as a believer.
I wouldn't have an answer for someone who asks why you "have to" go to church. Oh wait, thought of one: "you don't have to." A friend quoted to me, "church is to be enjoyed, not endured." Do what you want and what you are led to do, always letting your service and devotion to God be a guide. If going to church helps you serve Him and others, please go. If it's an outward sign of an inward commitment, a physical prayer when your lips can't find the words you want, please attend. If it has the opposite effect, if it's awkward and self-conscious and pretentious and you find yourself silently judging others as well as yourself, if you feel heavy when you walk in the door and lighter when you leave: if you can feel in your soul sensor that it's not where you belong, please don't allow yourself to be burdened by this. Don't feel that your presence or absence at that particular gathering at that particular time is going to make or break your own or your neighbor's trajectory. It's okay to not go.
I don't know how to reconcile this with the "rulebook" of some Christian traditions. I do believe God put that little sensor inside of each person to protect us, and part of living a full and healthy human life is learning to honor it, to resist caving indiscriminately to the demands of the world and people around us, however pious they may seem. It's okay, actually it's preferable, to be honest about your motives, and not to seek to please anyone but God, even if others doubt you. At the end of the day, in those words attributed to Mother Teresa, "it was never between you and them anyway."
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