Finding Facebook in Anna Karenina

I'm reading Anna Karenina for the first time and really enjoying it. Tolstoy is so insightful; his writing often resonates with my experience. Anna Karenina was written around 1875, and it contains this passage:

"In his Petersburg world all people were divided into utterly opposed classes. One, the lower class, vulgar, stupid, and, above all, ridiculous people, who believe that one husband ought to live with the one wife whom he has lawfully married; that a girl should be innocent, a woman modest, and a man manly, self-controlled, and strong; that one ought to bring up one's children, earn one's bread, and pay one's debts; and various similar absurdities. This was the class of old-fashioned and ridiculous people. But there was another class of people, the real people. To this class they all belonged, and in it the great thing was to be elegant, generous, plucky, gay, to abandon oneself without a blush to every passion, and to laugh at everything else."

I cannot overstate how contemporary this feels to me as I read it.

Facebook's "trending" section daily overflows with stories of "offendedness." Taking offense is likely a human inevitability, but acceptable offense, as in the quote above, flows in one direction. Only one of the classes is called ridiculous; the other class is simply referred to as "real." The first class clearly offends the second, and if the reverse is true as well, no one cares, because the reigning narratives are written by the second class's point of view and presented as real, unbiased fact. Today as I confirmed the title of the trending section I happened to notice a very current case in point. The first story was about an airline apologizing to a passenger for asking her to cover up on a flight. I clicked through to a slew of outraged responses defending her clothing choice."A woman [should be] modest." What ridiculous, old-fashioned, stupid person would think anyone should be modest? Or would dare ask a person to do anything at all for the sake of those around them? The airplane was publicly called out for "slut-shaming" and will surely think twice before asking passengers to dress in a manner appropriate for being in public.

Not everyone thinks the same way as the "class of real people." Politically, America's largely divided into conservatives and liberals, which may loosely correspond to the classes in the quote, but there are plenty of different ideas out there. More and more, the "real" class's opinions are presented as neutral facts while the opinions of the others are considered outdated, unacceptable, and quite frankly, objectively speaking, ridiculous. Especially in today's Petersburg world of Facebook.

Sticking My Hand in a Snake Den: Controversial Facebooking

I guess everyone knows that a reasonable political debate on Facebook is like a unicorn sighting. I see Facebook more as a means of getting better informed and hearing multiple perspectives than an effective mind-changer.

I have commented on controversial issues on Facebook a handful of times in the past year. None has ended satisfyingly, though some have felt useful at some point. When I comment, I'm not picking a fight. I'm not even sharing my "side" on a subject, though I am treated as though I have and I dissented, which is fair since I haven't simply said, "Yeah, totally!" My views (like I would hope most peoples') are way too nuanced for Facebook, which is no place for nuance. Sound bites and oversimplifications win the day there. And often it really is only a day; the great river of new posts rolls ever on.

No, I don't bring my own ideas to the table. There's no point debating conclusions while we can't even agree on premises. My involvement is to address times: 1) the truth is being distorted beyond recognition, or 2) a sensible question or point is blasted as being ridiculous and unworthy of being entertained. I have asked people to at least consider where the other side is coming from instead of rejecting it outright. I would never attempt this in a random comments section, one full of strangers. That would be like, as Proverbs 26:17 puts it, grabbing a stray dog by the ears.* It's not my quarrel. My quarrel, I suppose, is against misinformation and unwarranted ridicule. When the original poster is a friend, someone I'd like to consider somewhat reasonable, and the lies have harmful implications for an important matter, I sometimes can't resist weighing in, hence, my comments.

I weigh in if only for the sake of readers who may believe they learned something from the original post; the idea that what they "learned" is false is so abhorrent to me that it's caused me to take risks that are perhaps foolish. If people are going to hate something, I desperately want it to be for the right reasons. If they have all the facts and conclude differently than me, that's their prerogative, but I can't bear to think that they're being fed a pack of lies and believing they're choosing wisely or rationally. I saw this quote the other day from a book I haven't yet read that accurately captures my concern: “A reliable way to make people believe in falsehoods is frequent repetition, because familiarity is not easily distinguished from truth. Authoritarian institutions and marketers have always known this fact.” --Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow. I don't know whether the quote would have an effect on others, but it hits me in the gut and then the tear ducts. We are surrounded by lies and finding the truth is hard work. Do people know this? Do they do that hard work? Or do they assume the truth doesn't matter, doesn't exist, or is equivalent to what they usually hear on a daily basis?

A friend pointed out that people often don't understand their own or the other person's premises, so that's why we have so many zero-sum conversations. I wish people would examine their premises. Here's an example: I once asked a young woman why she supported Planned Parenthood. She replied, "Because I respect women." Full stop. Funny, I respect women, too, and that's the exact reason I'm not a fan of theirs. It wasn't the time nor place (nor relationship, honestly) to go deeper on that particular topic, but it left me thinking that she's imbibed the cultural, broadly repeated, governmentally-sanctioned message that respect for women goes hand-in-hand with PP, without actually considering what respect means or looks like or independently examining how PP does or doesn't live up to the ideal of respect for women, men, children, law enforcement, etc.

My efforts to publicly dig deeper on Facebook are overall super unwelcome. I see glints of civility shining upon the lakes of hostility. Irritatingly, I am often attacked for things I didn't say. What a waste of time. More than once, I've sensed that someone didn't even read what I said, instead spotting a few keywords and launching into their own rote reply. I am concerned that "opponents" see my words and assume I am making things up. I endeavor not to be that irresponsible. I favor statistics, case studies, and informed testimonies. If I didn't honestly believe in the validity of what I was saying, based on evidence, I would consider it useless, even foolish, to dare to speak up at all, because I'd be afraid of being found out and invalidated. Sometimes it's not a matter of sharing truths I've learned, but simply of posing a question. A common reaction to valid questions in these settings is to treat them as invalid so as to say, "I'm not going to dignify that with a response." This tactic short-circuits learning and dialogue on both sides.

I've always wanted so much for people to not think I'm an idiot, but apparently I've finally found something for which I'm willing to stick my neck out. I'm not even at the phase of trying to defend Biblical truth or anything close to that, just basic truths about facts and logic and differing perspectives that will allow us to occupy the same space for long enough to actually interact instead of just screaming past one another at the height of emotion and disgust, with no common ground. The truth doesn't need to fear honest questions or true statistics, so I don't need to fear those things. If I'm honest and sincere with questions and answers, maybe I'll see a place I was wrong and get closer to the actual truth. The truth doesn't need to bully or cave to popular opinion. If I beat someone down with excellently-worded rebuttals, that doesn't make me more right. If I am the only person to say "X" in a 200-comment thread of people insisting, "Y," and patting each other on the back, that doesn't make me more wrong. The truth is unwelcome when conclusions have already been drawn, since truth has consequences and if it causes a chink in the armor of certainty, it could ruin it all. Integrity is a dangerous thing, because it means you can't promise unconditional loyalty to a group, person, or idea, however lucrative or popular.

And it's dangerous for me personally because I know what waits for me on the other side of desperately trying to inject some balance into ridicule. I pay a high emotional cost for my involvement. I know I'm not the only person to experience this, and I can't measure it against anyone else (what would be the unit of measurement?) but it's very high for me. My life is pleasant enough now that these comment exchanges have been some of the most physically and emotionally unpleasant things I have experienced all year. Almost each time, I have physically trembled after posting, then again after reading harsh replies, and it can take a day to calm back down all the way. I hate having secrets or mental barriers or resistance in my mind; I think it's unhealthy as a source of constant stress. So when I intentionally avoid Facebook for a time to avoid pain aka notifications, this avoidance is ugly to me. Anxiety flares up and I have to remind myself that even though words can have the physical effect of someone reaching through my screen and throttling me, they cannot touch me, they don't know where I live, and I can decide how much I accept their anger, at least in theory.

To say commenting never, ever works is a huge oversimplification, I know. It works sometimes. Here and there, good things happen. Here and there, a commenter says I brought something new to their attention. Of course, there's always the quiet hope that an anonymous reader also got something out of it. I can't say whether it's all worth the cost I pay for it; I'd have no way to measure that. I don't even know if it's worth it for me. I suppose it must be; maybe I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I never even tried. From now on, whatever else happens, I'll always be able to say I tried. But I may find that I stick to blogging.


* Proverbs 26:17 (NIV) Like one who grabs a stray dog by the ears is someone who rushes into a quarrel not their own.